Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
