so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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