everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
