Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
