I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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