Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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