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• (917): View more from New York City

  SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.

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• (310): View more from California

  i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.

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• (858): View more from California

  So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?

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• (415): View more from California

  Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased

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• (561): View more from Florida

  That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.

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