I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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