I wish I could punch you in the face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
