New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
