if you like me you must not know who I am
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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