Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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