someone threw a dead crab at me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
