Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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