I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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