There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
