I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
