I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
