He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
