If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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