I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Use "feeling words"
Yay
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
