i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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