Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Will exercising make me less horny?
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