Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
