My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
