Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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