The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
