Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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