When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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