the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
