Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
