...so i touched it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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