she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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