We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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