I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
