I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
