I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
