Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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