You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
