So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
