Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
