Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
