Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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