This is not my ceiling
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
