somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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