it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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