Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
