nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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