I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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