How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
