I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
