my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
