We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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