dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
