Yo dont text me then not text me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
