i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
