I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this hospital has no fireball
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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