Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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