just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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